Work, Work, Work

I am a stay at home mom who is technically a part time working mom... people tend to overlook this whole working thing because I do it when my child is sleeping. I still have the benefit of wiping runny noses and spooning yogurt all day long just like other SAHMs, only I am more tired. Then there is the work that I do. DJing isn't exactly a job one puts on one's resume. I am good at it, committed, and punctual, responsible even. It pays very well for very little work, which is why I've kept with it for so long. But no one, not even myself, would dare call it a real job.

So why am I rambling about my job(s) or lack thereof? Lately, as in the last year, I've been feeling subtle pressure to get a real job. Acquaintances give tips on how to navigate the K-12 hoops of certification and qualifying endorsements. My friends keep telling me how much their children love daycare. And my husband's spent the last 48 hours planning bi-cultural daddy-daughter day outings in some fictional bucolic Japanese setting ever since overhearing me discuss with a friend's mother my future thoughts on working abroad again. I get the feeling that deep down everyone wants me to be working.

To be honest, I'd much rather just stay home with my baby. And in case you've forgotten I already have a job. My resume is cold. My teaching skills are rusty. Even my brain doesn't cooperate much these days. While I love spending days exploring the undersides of rocks and the bottoms of mud puddles with my child, I cannot help but worry that perhaps I have lost something in the process. A career, a more posh double income existence, or the pride and self esteem that came with writting all the checks... it's hard to put my finger one it.

All I can remember is how lost I felt in the classroom, the stress of meeting deadlines, and the slow painful first years that come with building curriculum from the ground up. All things considered, I'd rather go to the zoo.