It's a Mystery

There are some baby things I just can't figure out.

Like, why do baby clothes come with pockets? It was several months before Olive could find her mouth with her fingers... how long until she discovers the minuscule pockets on her pants? What is supposed to be put in them? It's not like her keys are going to fit in there or anything.

Also, I would like the name and number of the numb nut who decided it was a good idea to put 10 buttons up the front of my child's one piece pajamas. One or two on the back of a dress is barely tolerable, but ten? Sweet baby Jesus! How much time does that designer think I have to wrestle my baby into pajamas?

Then there's the mystery of Gerber's sizing. When you buy a pack of Gerber "Onesies" you carefully check the age and weight requirements on the graph on the back. You take them home, launder them, only to discover that they are much much too small. To illustrate the point, my child is currently sporting a size 18 months Gerber t-shirt. She is five months old and a good 15 pounds under the suggested weight. To the well meaning relative who keeps sending us a package of Gerber Onesies every three months... please stop. You are waisting your time and money. Even stranger is Gerber's organic line- these are ten times larger then the multi packs. So I guess organic food is better for babies?

The greatest mystery of all though is my child's apparent teleportation abilities. She recently learned how to roll over onto her stomach. She can not yet crawl or scoot... yet every time I put her down to play on a mat the next time I look she's a good three feet away. Perhaps she's propelled by her abundant flatulence.